IT'S JUST ALL WRONG PEOPLE

(DEEP SIGH)

Ok, so after I spent $212 at my favorite little boutique in Lancaster AND came home and threw together the shirt above with some dark jeans, a cute wide brown belt AND (are you ready for this?) some PINK and BROWN tall boots.... (*THUD*) Oh yeah, and I rounded out the look with some pink earrings.

After I put out the fire on me...(because you know I was hot!) I realized that I should really work at some fashion magazine or somewhere my style can be fully appreciated. Luckily, I work in entertainment which gives me a little bit of free license to work out my inner fashion maven. I would never say I am a full diva. I know some ladies who know how to shop and how to dress and quite honestly,my style game is no where near some of the OD's (Original Divas).

I realize that one of the reasons that my style game has matured is because it is the only place I can be creative. My job doesn't allow me the ability to fully access my creative self, but in the morning I can decide color, fit, style and matching shoe, which gives me enough satisfaction to last through the day.

But I am slowly realizing that this is not going to be enough to last my entire career.

Hey, doesn't INSTYLE need lawyers????

JUST FINE!

I can't wait to get Mary's new album. I love the first song that was released. My history with Mary (because don't we all have a history with Mary), is that I seem to stumble upon her at different points in my life. Each time, I am going through (or about to go through) some relationship drama, she drops an album and I use it as my therapy. The lyrics and melodies speak directly to my situation and I literally don't listen to anything else for weeks upon weeks.

So imagine my delight when I realized she was going to drop an album entitled "Growing Pains."

That is so where I am in my life. I had a rough year, but I am here and everything is really "Just Fine." I am healthy, I am joyful and I like who I am and furthermore, who I am about to become. No, not everything is perfect, but as with anything in life, when you make it through a storm, you are bigger, better and stronger than you were before and that is a celebration in itself.

So I am here singing...my life, my life's just fine...fine..fine..!

LOVE...ACTUALLY

In 2008, I am taking. love. on.

Let me explain.

Last January, we stopped talking. She and I had a falling out. We had been tussling with each other for years and she clearly was kickin' my ample behind. I was drained. Tired of fighting with her. Tired of feeling less and less lov-ed every day. So I ended it. Gave her the deuces and never looked back.

Oh, I was cool at first, but she tried to fool me. Tried to make me believe that I just needed a break or maybe just a change of scenery and I would be fine. So I considered briefly talking to her again, but I quickly came to realize that it really wasn't time.

So we really and truly stopped seeing each other. We haven't talked for months. I filled my time with neat little projects like triathalons and traveling. I was miserable sometimes. I will admit, I missed love. But all I had to do was close my eyes and I was right back where we left off. Angered words. Bitterness. I couldn't even entertain thoughts of her.

As we move into the beginning of a new year, love is back at my door, begging for attention, begging to be better understood. Love wants to come back. She needs to come back...heck, I will even admit, I need to believe in her again.

But how. How do we start anew? How do I embrace her without fear of losing myself?

These are the questions I have for her. In 2008, I am inviting love over...just to talk. I have resolved to finally listen to what she has to say. I have pledged to myself to learn as much about her as I can, so that when I am ready, I could, maybe, possibly... invite love back into my life.

I want to enjoy her in all of her fullness. Wrap myself up in her without reservation or hesitation. Most of all, I want her to love me back in her gentle and loving way.

This all seems very promising.

THIRTY-ONE in TWO THOUSAND EIGHT

In March, I will be thirty-one (31)!

I just turned 30..in Las Vegas, in a rather special celebration of having friends and family surrounding me and lifting me up (and taking me out). It was a memorable experience and I will never forget it.

Let's recap 2007:

January 17th: Break up with boyfriend of nearly three years.

March: Fabulous celebration with friends and family...in Vegas. Sign up to do first triathlon.

April: Start dating good friend of 8 years. Throw party with bc girls.

May: Stop dating good friend of 8 years. Quite painful to break up with two men in 6 months.

June, July, August: A Blur...training for the triathalon, mild depression... low points of the year.

Septemember: Complete my first triathalon! Dad comes into town to cheer me on! Hooray!

October: CCWC conference w/ANTM: Life changing! Things are looking up!

November: Grateful, blessed. Mom comes into town to hang out! Hooray for moms!

December: It is the end of the year, as with every year, I have come full circle. I am happy, healthy and open to all the best that is yet to come in 2008.

But...I am going to be thirty-one! It seems like just yesterday I was 29.


all I can say is...


BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

MY HAIR

I love it.
It is me.
It looks like this except much shorter and sticking straight up and out as opposed to hanging down.

And that is cool with me.

After I wash and twist out, I am golden.

What I would love to happen is for a man to step to me with the line...

"My sista, you wear a beautiful crown..."

I would hesitate for a minute, not quite getting it.

Then I would smile and say "Thank you, I know."

IZZIE AND GEORGE-

I know what it is like to be Izzie in a way. I haven't ever slept with any women's husband, or even flirted with another woman's husband for that matter, nor would I. However, I have been really good friends with a guy and somehow that friendship has blossomed into something more between us. I completely understand the awkwardness of switching from best friends to lovers and how once you turn that corner you can never really go back to being what you once were.

When it doesn't work out, it is pretty devastating because not only do you lose a love relationship but you truly lose your best friend as well.

(sigh)

Good luck with that.

I AM BAAAAAAAACK!

SO. My friend who I like to call 'America's Next Top Model' or ANTM for short sent me a text, talkin bout' "Can you update your blog?"

What can I say...When my fans call...I must respond.

I am back with a few pieces of utter insanity.

First and foremost, my hair has been outshining my face.

Seriously?

Uh...let me explain. For the last few weeks my hair has been jammin'. People have been flagging me down in grocery stores, parking lots, church etc., just to tell me my hair is cute. And I have to admit, it is pretty bangin'. I am rocking twist outs every week and my hair just does what it do, and I love it.

But a few days ago, I was in the mirror and my eyes shifted between my face and my hair...back to my face...then to my hair, all of a sudden I started wondering if I my face had lost its cuteness. And then, because you know I take it there and I had to put on a contest with me as the judge.

Hair, full and free-2 points.
Face, clear and clean-2 points.
Hair-textured and strong-4 points.... Yeah, y'all know I am crazy.

Next item.

I have been getting to work on time all week. It is miraculous. I am scheduled to be to work at 9am. I generally roll in around 10a. Before you start invoking stereotypes of black people being late to the job, please know that I work in a large corporation where many directors (Black, White or Striped) roll in around 9:30a or 10a. Heck, my supervisor usually isn't to work until roughly 10:30am. But now that I am able to get ready in 45 minutes, I am not really sure why I was getting to work late in the first place? I am a little puzzled as to what my shiftless behind was doing with that extra hour.

Moving on.

I have to make lists or my life falls apart.
There I said it.
It is true folks. Bills don't get paid, folks don't get called. Work doesn't get done.
The world nearly ends.
I made a call list yesterday and I took it out while I was getting my hair done.
My stylist was like "You have to write down your mother on your call list."
Uh, did I not just tell you my life falls apart without a list!

That's it for now. Ima watch Grey's.

Holla at me in the comments.

AN OPEN LETTER TO MYSELF

Dear lovely,

I have been so hard on you over the last 30 years. I have put you down, questioned your worth, lacked confidence in your abilities and been really awful to you sometimes.

And for that, I apologize.

This past year has been filled with unbelievable highs and some really hard times. And just this week, I have come to realize how talented, smart, beautiful and worthy you are.

You have been through so much in your short little life. You have struggled through daddy issues, bad relationships, depression, law school and you have overcome it all.

You are a walking miracle.

The ancestors are cheering you on.

Do you know that you defy gravity?

Every time you walk into that Senior staff meeting and every time you are at the table with the decision makers, you are defying gravity. You are making history every day simply by being invited to the dance and showing up.

I don't every want to see your shoulders slumping or to see your head down. I promise to never believe what the world says about you in song, in the workplace or in the news. When I look at you, all I can see is what God has "fearfully and wonderfully made". I see the power of his blessings and annointings resting on your spirit. And if God is for you, then who shall ever be against you.

How has it happened that you are corporate counsel at the age of 30?

How has it happened that you have gotten to a level in your career that most people dream of?

It can only be a combination of God's blessings, that he is the source of all that you have acquired and that you are worthy.

I implore you to continue to walk into your annointed destiny. To walk talk and proud, knowing that God is waiting to supply your heart's desires.

This is the time to walk in confidence and to know that you are more than enough.

I am very proud of you. And I love you, with all of my heart.

In God's hands,
lovelyjd

Thoughts on a past relationship

There is a boy. A man really. We dated many years ago. He rejected me.

Now he calls me. Just to talk. First he apologized. I accepted. But didn't really need to talk beyond that.

But we talk. Maybe once a month. But every time I talk to him, I am not sure why we are talking.

We don't have alot in common anymore. He has 2 kids, by 2 djfferent mothers.

I have none.

He is another state, living a life that I can't begin to comprehend. Struggles beyond anything I could probably imagine.

But when he calls, I feel the need to call him back.

But why?

He doesn't have any chance with me. (I believe in never saying never, but ima say never.)

So what's the point?

Writers block

Hey y'all in the year I have had various blogs...I am finally experiencing writer's block.

sorry.

Random Thoughts

1. I don't love Oprah as much as I used to, why is that?

2. Sometimes...I just don't know.

3. I really want 2007 to be over.

4. I haven't worked out all week and I am dying inside.

Secret Obsession

Although I am a grown, professional woman...in between commercials for America's Top Model... I walk the catwalk to the fridge or the bathroom.

What?

Don't look at me like that.

The Life and Times of Jackie O

I love my mother to pieces.

My friend calls her Jackie O because she is so incredibly boughesie.

For example, I had a funeral last week and we ended up staying in a Ramada Hotel. Needless to say, Jackie did not say much as we inspected the premises. I nimbly reminded the group that Jackie doesn't generally stay in anything less than 3 stars. She didn't correct me.

Finally, at the end of the day when asked by a family member about the accomodations, Jackie replied, "They are okay. I don't generally stay in places like that."

I find her so entertaining.

The latest amusing exchange came when I was on the phone with Jackie a few night ago. I was telling her about trying to keep my place tidy so I don't have to do extensive cleaning on the weekends. She finally encouraged me to get a cleaning lady.

huh?

My Jamaican mummy, who raised me all by her lonesome, worked and got her MBA...who NEVER has had any type of domestic help, is encouraging me, the single, professional 30 something, who works out for fun to get a cleaning lady?

Yes, y'all, Jackie was serious. And I was sold, she is right, why I am doing the things she had to do when I can afford not to? Getting someone to come in a few times a month is like the price of a couple of LA dinners. She worked hard and sacrificed so that my life could be easier.

And in a lot of ways...it is.

Look, if mummy thinks I need a cleaning lady, then dammit...I need a cleaning lady.

MY DATING ICON

Every time I see the Match.com commercial with Dr. Phil, I want to laugh out loud.

First of all, Dr. Phil has been married for like 10 trillion years. I personally feel as though people who are married or have been together for a very long time (hereinafter refered to as "Lifers"), really have completely lost touch with the dating world. I wouldn't trust his advice at all.

Lifers don't understand dating online and what it means to go out and do the single "meeting" people thing. Many of them can't believe that dating now occurs online or that there is such a thing as speed dating.

No folks, if I were to take dating advice from anyone, it would be from someone like Jennifer Lopez. I consider J. Lo to be a serial dater with an occasional marriage here and there. She went from her Cuban guy, to some other guy, to P.Diddy, to Affleck, to probably some other guy that I am missing. And now she has been happily married for more than five minutes.

Sheer Genius!

The point is, she knows how to date, how to get engaged, how to break an engagement, how to get married and also how to get divorced (discreetly I might add).

I will take tips from her any day...( sligtly adjusting to omit the broken engagement and divorce parts ofcourse).

Seriously? Yes. Seriously.

I don’t have any kids. Someday, if it is God’s will, I will be blessed to carry life. But even that, I believe, hangs in the balance. There is a dark side to the single life, certain behaviors and patterns that cause me great concern when I think about nurturing and raising another life.

First and foremost, for the past 4 years, every few months, I have a full week where I will put on my underwear either backwards, inside out or both backwards and inside out.

Now first and foremost, don’t act all high and mighty, you know you done put on yo’ draws wrong a time or two….

The fact that this mishap takes place is not nearly as alarming as the discovery of such on that particular day. I walk into the bathroom chipper, with purpose ready (and eager) to piss in a bowl and as I pull down my pants a string of cuss words start to audibly leave my lips. Why?

Because why am I thirty years old putting my draws on wrong?

Who does that…rather, who does that and is okay with it?

If that’s you, you need to be sat down in a corner, so you have time to reevaluate your life…

As for me….I am headed to mine right now.

*sigh*

An Open Letter to Will Demps

To: “Will Demps onhismind@essence.com”

Fr: Non-GroupieGirl2227@yahoo.com

Re: Article in the September issue of Essence magazine entitled “Groupie Love”

First of all, I never do this. Send out an e-mail…to an NFL player…about an article about Groupies. Trust that this is a first. But I really had a couple of questions I wanted to pose to you based on your heartfelt words about meeting the right person.

First and foremost, I get it. You want a woman of substance, a lady with class, style and intelligence. I know it must be really hard to find someone who truly wants to love you for you and not your fame, money or hell, even your body. (Because to tell you the truth, you could not have a dime to your name and I will still try to talk to your fine ass).

But riddle me this…

How does a woman with style, class and intelligience meet you without stalking your ass?

Take me for instance, I am a 30 year old single (never been married) professional woman no kids, I have two degrees and a decent job. I love fitness and reading and I really dig good conversation and quiet intimate moments. Now don’t take this personally, but where would we meet…do you go to Borders? Kick it at the coffee shop? Might I meet up with you at a wine and cheese party?

Seriously.

No offense, I know you are a prize, gifted with natural athletic abilites that afford you the ability to make a living for yourself, but you know the stereotype of a football player.

And I will let you in on a little something, I actually dated a football player when I was in college. Believe me, it was not intentional, I just wasn’t into that scene. But I happened to meet this one guy, one thing led to another and we went on a few dates. Let’s just say he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the bunch. I remember having to speak slowly and translate my words into sign language just to have a conversation. Needless to say it got expensive to pay a professional interpreter…so I moved on.

Will, let’s not play this game. We are both searching for the same thing. Someone who just loves us for us, and the truth of the matter is you neither you or I will ever find that. Particularly not by you writing articles in a black women’s magazine and certainly not by me writing e-mails to generic e-mail addresses that at best will be read by the janitor at ESSENCE.

(But if by chance the janitor does pass this along to you...call me....)

*sigh*