Thoughts on a past relationship

There is a boy. A man really. We dated many years ago. He rejected me.

Now he calls me. Just to talk. First he apologized. I accepted. But didn't really need to talk beyond that.

But we talk. Maybe once a month. But every time I talk to him, I am not sure why we are talking.

We don't have alot in common anymore. He has 2 kids, by 2 djfferent mothers.

I have none.

He is another state, living a life that I can't begin to comprehend. Struggles beyond anything I could probably imagine.

But when he calls, I feel the need to call him back.

But why?

He doesn't have any chance with me. (I believe in never saying never, but ima say never.)

So what's the point?

Writers block

Hey y'all in the year I have had various blogs...I am finally experiencing writer's block.

sorry.

Random Thoughts

1. I don't love Oprah as much as I used to, why is that?

2. Sometimes...I just don't know.

3. I really want 2007 to be over.

4. I haven't worked out all week and I am dying inside.

Secret Obsession

Although I am a grown, professional woman...in between commercials for America's Top Model... I walk the catwalk to the fridge or the bathroom.

What?

Don't look at me like that.

The Life and Times of Jackie O

I love my mother to pieces.

My friend calls her Jackie O because she is so incredibly boughesie.

For example, I had a funeral last week and we ended up staying in a Ramada Hotel. Needless to say, Jackie did not say much as we inspected the premises. I nimbly reminded the group that Jackie doesn't generally stay in anything less than 3 stars. She didn't correct me.

Finally, at the end of the day when asked by a family member about the accomodations, Jackie replied, "They are okay. I don't generally stay in places like that."

I find her so entertaining.

The latest amusing exchange came when I was on the phone with Jackie a few night ago. I was telling her about trying to keep my place tidy so I don't have to do extensive cleaning on the weekends. She finally encouraged me to get a cleaning lady.

huh?

My Jamaican mummy, who raised me all by her lonesome, worked and got her MBA...who NEVER has had any type of domestic help, is encouraging me, the single, professional 30 something, who works out for fun to get a cleaning lady?

Yes, y'all, Jackie was serious. And I was sold, she is right, why I am doing the things she had to do when I can afford not to? Getting someone to come in a few times a month is like the price of a couple of LA dinners. She worked hard and sacrificed so that my life could be easier.

And in a lot of ways...it is.

Look, if mummy thinks I need a cleaning lady, then dammit...I need a cleaning lady.

MY DATING ICON

Every time I see the Match.com commercial with Dr. Phil, I want to laugh out loud.

First of all, Dr. Phil has been married for like 10 trillion years. I personally feel as though people who are married or have been together for a very long time (hereinafter refered to as "Lifers"), really have completely lost touch with the dating world. I wouldn't trust his advice at all.

Lifers don't understand dating online and what it means to go out and do the single "meeting" people thing. Many of them can't believe that dating now occurs online or that there is such a thing as speed dating.

No folks, if I were to take dating advice from anyone, it would be from someone like Jennifer Lopez. I consider J. Lo to be a serial dater with an occasional marriage here and there. She went from her Cuban guy, to some other guy, to P.Diddy, to Affleck, to probably some other guy that I am missing. And now she has been happily married for more than five minutes.

Sheer Genius!

The point is, she knows how to date, how to get engaged, how to break an engagement, how to get married and also how to get divorced (discreetly I might add).

I will take tips from her any day...( sligtly adjusting to omit the broken engagement and divorce parts ofcourse).

Seriously? Yes. Seriously.

I don’t have any kids. Someday, if it is God’s will, I will be blessed to carry life. But even that, I believe, hangs in the balance. There is a dark side to the single life, certain behaviors and patterns that cause me great concern when I think about nurturing and raising another life.

First and foremost, for the past 4 years, every few months, I have a full week where I will put on my underwear either backwards, inside out or both backwards and inside out.

Now first and foremost, don’t act all high and mighty, you know you done put on yo’ draws wrong a time or two….

The fact that this mishap takes place is not nearly as alarming as the discovery of such on that particular day. I walk into the bathroom chipper, with purpose ready (and eager) to piss in a bowl and as I pull down my pants a string of cuss words start to audibly leave my lips. Why?

Because why am I thirty years old putting my draws on wrong?

Who does that…rather, who does that and is okay with it?

If that’s you, you need to be sat down in a corner, so you have time to reevaluate your life…

As for me….I am headed to mine right now.

*sigh*

An Open Letter to Will Demps

To: “Will Demps onhismind@essence.com”

Fr: Non-GroupieGirl2227@yahoo.com

Re: Article in the September issue of Essence magazine entitled “Groupie Love”

First of all, I never do this. Send out an e-mail…to an NFL player…about an article about Groupies. Trust that this is a first. But I really had a couple of questions I wanted to pose to you based on your heartfelt words about meeting the right person.

First and foremost, I get it. You want a woman of substance, a lady with class, style and intelligence. I know it must be really hard to find someone who truly wants to love you for you and not your fame, money or hell, even your body. (Because to tell you the truth, you could not have a dime to your name and I will still try to talk to your fine ass).

But riddle me this…

How does a woman with style, class and intelligience meet you without stalking your ass?

Take me for instance, I am a 30 year old single (never been married) professional woman no kids, I have two degrees and a decent job. I love fitness and reading and I really dig good conversation and quiet intimate moments. Now don’t take this personally, but where would we meet…do you go to Borders? Kick it at the coffee shop? Might I meet up with you at a wine and cheese party?

Seriously.

No offense, I know you are a prize, gifted with natural athletic abilites that afford you the ability to make a living for yourself, but you know the stereotype of a football player.

And I will let you in on a little something, I actually dated a football player when I was in college. Believe me, it was not intentional, I just wasn’t into that scene. But I happened to meet this one guy, one thing led to another and we went on a few dates. Let’s just say he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the bunch. I remember having to speak slowly and translate my words into sign language just to have a conversation. Needless to say it got expensive to pay a professional interpreter…so I moved on.

Will, let’s not play this game. We are both searching for the same thing. Someone who just loves us for us, and the truth of the matter is you neither you or I will ever find that. Particularly not by you writing articles in a black women’s magazine and certainly not by me writing e-mails to generic e-mail addresses that at best will be read by the janitor at ESSENCE.

(But if by chance the janitor does pass this along to you...call me....)

*sigh*